Consider your child's motivation - Part 4: Withdrawal

Adults have exhibited this form of misbehavior for generations -- quite literally!  You know them - the people who say they haven't talked to their parents for years becuase of an arguement they had when they were twenty-five.  Or then there's the classic case of the Hatfields and McCoys.  When people determine that they don't like another person, they decide that they don't need to talk to them - ever again!  Let's see how that works with children.

WITHDRAWAL - When I was a child, this was my favorite form of classic misbehavior.  My mother would yell at me for something I had allegedly done wrong, so I'd stomp up the stairs to my room and slam the door behind me.  I'd stay there for hours, sometimes through my mother's continued reprimands outside of my door.  But I was safe inside the sanctuary of my room.  Years later, that same behavior showed up when I had my own children.  We'd have an argument about something and I'd get in the car and leave for a while to calm down.  The car became my new sanctuary.  Perhaps this was more of a defense mechanism than misbehavior, but it's still considered mis-behavior because it's not what should have been happening.

Why is this considered misbehavior?  Because it's simply not emotionally healthy to withdraw from the situation.  Psychologists will agree that talking through a problem with another person is the best way to solve that problem.  Walking away solves nothing.  Counting to ten before opening your mouth definitely has its advantages in discretion, but total withdrawal from the situation is unhealthy and can lead to lifelong abandonment from family and friends.

Sometimes children just give up when they think they can’t get the attention they need. They may not do what you ask, or they may do it so poorly that you won’t ask them to do it again. They may offer excuses like “I can’t” or “That’s too hard.” They may simply withdraw from you or the family so that you won’t ask them to do anything. If you feel helpless or like you don’t know what to do, your child’s motive of misbehaving may be withdrawal.  Help your child to understand that he or she can always come to you with problems.  When they're teenagers, you'll be very glad for the open lines of communication!

Happy Parenting!

Early Literacy

According to Dr. Barry Zuckerman, founder of Reach Out and Read, "Research has shown that the first five years of life are critical to a child's language development.  Reading to a young child, even before a baby can hold a book, will help the child develop a love of books because she will associate them with being on her mother's lap and hearing her mother's voice."

Wow - that sounds like classical conditioning to me.  How can a kid lose if he or she associates reading with early nurturing?  What a simple, yet important concept for new parents to understand! 

Reach Out and Read brings books to children in doctor's offices who give them age-appropriate reading material.  It will expand to 100 U.S. bases by 2013, in support of Joining Forces, a White House initiative to honor and support America's service members and their families. What better place to begin helping children than with those who must accept a parent's deployment.  Those parents can easily record a story for a child and then have the home parent play the recording while the child looks at the book. 

Watch this video to see the 2011 information:

Happy Reading and Happy Parenting!

Long-distance parental relationship

Even more important than maintaining strong, close relationships between parents who live together most of the time, is the relationship between parents where one travels frequently.  The truck driver, salesperson, or military spouse find themselves on the road more than they are at home.  This absence can only erode an ordinarily strong relationship, creating pitholes of doubt and deception.  According to Peggy Schwartz, a sex and relationships expert, there are many ways to combat the woes of lovers living apart.  Some suggestions are based on hers and some are mine...

1. Use Skype.  When it's dinner time, skype in the missing parent so he or she can have dinner with the family.  We did that when my neice had a baby shower and my daughter who is married to an army colonel, lived in Germany.  She wanted to participate in the shower for her cousin, she we skyped her in.  The transmisssion glitched a few times, but Theresa would show the gifts she received to my daughter by putting them near the computer camera lens.  What fun! 
2. Videotape. Similarly, if your children are in a school play or concert, videotape their part and send it to the other parent, who can comment intelligently on the performance. 
3. Write.  Yes, write - letters, emails, texts.  You can store these in digital memory and can refresh your true memory of a loved one's words.
4. Watch the same shows.  If you all really enjoy watching a certain sports team or a TV show in the evenings, make sure everyone watches so the next time you talk on the phone or skype, you can discuss a common interest.
5. Schedule time together when the family reunites.  It is SO important to have something to look forward to when you're on the road.  The humdrum work activities become very burdonsome unless the missing parent has a special event or family activity to look forward to upon return.

Keep in mind that the missing parent is hurting just as much as the family members who are left behind at home to cope with everyday events without that person.  Do all that you can to work together despite the temporary absence.

Toward Better Parental Relationships

Much of my focus for this blog has been on interactions between adults and children.  However, just as important are the interactions between the adults who care for those children.  This blog focuses on the married parents who may need a little help staying married so their children don't have to deal with the problems associated with separation and divorce.

1. Ask yourself if you'd rather be right or would you rather be happy?  The key here is acceptance.  If your spouse doesn't load the dishwasher the way you would, accept that he or she actually does load the dishwasher!  If your spouse doesn't take the trash out until five minutes before the truck arrives, which annoys you that he waited so long, accept that he actually remembered in time!
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate.  Don't simply say, "The kids need to be picked up at 5:00 from soccer practice."  That's not communication.  Instead, ask, "What's one thing I can do to make your life easier?"  Wow!  What bomb just dropped in that household?  The bomb may drop but the silence may be deafening on the other end! Remembe to add one thing to the question so you don't get a laundry list of improvements.
3. Romance is important.  That doesn't mean you need wine and flowers every week (which may become overwhelming and redundant!).  It means the you truly care about the other person and see when he or she needs a boost.  In other words, be alert to your spouse's needs and respond accordingly with a simple hug, kiss, words of appreciation, or those flowers on a non-occasion.
4. Never assume that you know what the other person is thinking.  His or her body language may be misleading.  Ask what's bothering your partner.  Only then will you be able to respond to the problem.  Remember, men, if you ask and your wife says, "Nothing," it usually means "Everything!" Probe deeper. Just sayin'!
5. Put family first.  Many families totally ignore this rule as they go about their everyday lives.  The parents work, which builds stress into any family.  The kids have school, activities, and homework.  But if you all work to put the family first, you will all see ways to help each other through the good times and the bad.  One of my previous blogs recommended that you have a family dinner at least once a week.  What other ways can you consider that will bring your family together?

Happy Parenting!

More on bullies

I observed that in one week, I got 42 hits on my previous blog posting about how to help children handle bullies. That's a staggering number of hits compared to the numbers for other postings.  When I shared this on my Facebook page, I got the following very intuitive responses:

From Vicki, a middle school special ed teacher: I think it's because parents refuse to believe their children can do wrong; they question the schools and by telling their kids not to listen to their teachers empower their kids to push boundaries. Add to that kids who are showered with expensive toys by preoccupied parents too busy with everything BUT parenting and you have attention- seeking, lonely and frustrated bullies.

And from my daughter Val, a 3rd grade teacher: I have found that kids actually need lessons on how to socialize and conversate correctly. With all this technology, parents and kids aren't socializing let alone kids with other kids. How do they know how to be polite/not bully/respect others when they aren't told or shown otherwise?!?! Hmmmm

So, from these two teachers who are still in the "trenches," I conclude with them that parents are the children's primary role models.  I was fortunate that my daughters were neither bullies nor bullied to the best of my knowledge.  That's because I taught them to be proactive about their relationship with other people, both young and old.  I showed them that each person, no matter how much that person annoyed them, deserved their respect. 

The writer in me decided to find resources to help parents and teachers understand the importance of teaching their children to be empathetic and accepting of others' differences.  I looked for books that showed parents/teachers how to form an anti-bullying strategy rather than how to help kids cope with bullies, which may be the bigger picture.  Here's what I found:

No Kidding About Bullying: 125 Ready-to-Use Activities to Help Kids Manage Anger, Resolve Conflicts, Build Empathy, and Get Along (Bully Free Classroom)

Bullying Prevention and Intervention: Realistic Strategies for Schools (The Guilford Practical Intervention in Schools Series)

The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to HighSchool--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle (Updated Edition)

Happy Teaching and Happy Parenting!

Things you can do with chalkboard paint

I wish I had this stuff when my girls were little!  Chalkboard paint has a bazillion uses.  Here are some of the more useful and interesting:

1. Paint a wall in your child's playroom and give her a place for creative expression.  This will also teach her to clean her own space as it will become rather dusty if she doesn't! I don't recommend this for a bedroom for that reason.
2. Paint a space on reusable water bottles to chalk on the user's name.
3. Paint the top of a wooden cigar box (available at stores that sell cigars!)
4. Paint a poster frame and mount in the kitchen for a menu board or shopping list
5. Paint a portion of a flowerpot and label the contents.  This is particularly helpful for herbs.
6. Paint the edge of storage bins for easy labeling and changing of those labels.
7. Paint the side of an item that requires directions for use.
8. Paint old coasters so you can personalize them each time.
9. Paint the side of spice jars for easy labeling.
10. Paint a sign in a guest room to personalize a message for visitors.
11. Paint a sign for the front of your house to personalize seasonal messages.

For a minimal investment of time and money, chalkboard paint allows you to personalize your home and belongings, decorate with motivational, funny, or everyday words, and change your mind and decor daily!  And THAT is simply good Feng Shui!

Happy Parenting!

International Walk to School Day - October 5, 2011

"When I was your age, I walked five miles to school," ...or so said Grandpa or Great Grandpa when describing his school experience in the 1930s.  Today's children have it easy.  The bus picks them up outside of their house or at most, they must walk a block or two to the bus stop. If a district determines that children who live within a certain radius of the school don't need bussed transportation, some parents ignore that and drive their kids to school, especially on rainy or frigid mornings. (But I can't blame them for that logic!) No wonder our kids are overweight!

However, the school bus concept is much safer.  With less time on the road for a rogue driver to bounce onto the pavement or a wild animal to chase a child through the field, children have fewer opportunities to get into serious trouble before school begins and on their way home.

So, why organize a Walk to School Day?  To get the kids out in the fresh air, using their muscles for more than Wii games. 

How would you implement that observance?  Some people are organizing a walking school bus where the kids line up, accompanied by parents, and walk as a group to school.  What a great idea - within reason.  Naturally if you live ten miles from school, even Grandpa wouldn't approve of walking that far.  However, if you are close enough to participate, organize your neighbors and have fun walking with your children during the crisp autumn weather.  Listen for the return of the winter birds.  Look for the leaves changing color and explain why that happens.  Talk about safety on the sidewalk.  Turn the walking school bus ino a fun learning experience.

That's why I posted this early enough so you can begin planning now.  According to the folks at the Kidproof Safety blog, here’s how it works: Start small and invite your kids and a few neighborhood kids to walk to school together. (Explain to parents that it’s like a carpool without the car.) Try walking once or twice a week to start. Figure out a safe route that avoids busy streets, intersections, loose dogs and shifty areas. Devise a schedule for picking up your charges, building in enough time to allow for slower walkers or discoveries (a bird’s nest!) along the way.

Before taking your first step, have a talk with the kids about safety. Teach the kids to walk (not run!) on the sidewalk, to watch for drivers pulling out of driveways, and to obey all traffic signs and signals. The kids should also watch for cars at all times, looking left, right, backwards and forwards before crossing busy intersections.

Once your “bus” is a success, consider inviting other neighborhood families to join in, or share the idea with school leaders. Ideally, you should have one adult walking with every six school-age kids, or one adult for every three preschoolers. Ask the parents to take turns on “bus” duty, and print up a route and schedule for all participants.

By taking to the streets, you’ll be boosting your kids’ health, cutting traffic, helping the environment by reducing automobile emissions, and creating a sense of community.

Happy parenting!

"Green" school food

Children need to be more friendly - environmentally friendly, that is!  Green food means more than eating broccoli and string beans.  Here are some ideas you can implement at home for your own children and at school with your students:

1. As a PTO parent, volunteer to use reusable plates for the next party. Naturally, you will be in total charge of bringing them and picking them up to sanitize in your dishwasher.  Another green party idea is to use cloth napkins that you wash with bleach and store with the plates for the next party.  I know this sounds like a lot of work, but it will save much space in the local landfill!
2. If you send your child with water for lunch, use a green reusable bottle.  Make sure it is BPA free like this Water Bottle.  During warm weather, fill it the night before and freeze it for a frosty drink at lunch the next day.
3. The rest of the lunch can be green also: Use reusable containers for sandwiches and snacks.  Avoid using packaged items that have plastic trash associated with them.  My favorite is the Fit & Fresh Fruit and Veggie Bowl.  When I was working, I could take my veggies and dip with me!
4. Remember that the lunch bag itself can be green.  Here are the directions to make a reusable canvas bag at the top of my recipes page: http://reneeheiss.com/Recipes.html.  If you can't sew, then consider buying a reusable lunch bag: Equinox Organic Cotton Lunch Bag.  The neat thing about both of these options is that your children can personalize them with fabric or permanent markers :-)

By the way, this product has the tote, bottle, and containers: New Wave Enviro Products Lunchopolis Lunch Box.  It gets mixed reviews, so I guess it depends on how hard your kids treat their lunch box!

Happy green parenting and green teaching!

How to avoid being "that" kind of parent

As a parent, I always wanted the best for my children.  That meant hoping they'd get the "best" teacher in the grade level during the lottery that occured in August.  If they didn't get what everyone in the PTA considered the "best" teacher, I didn't reveal this information to my girls.  We simply went with the flow.  And you know what?  Because of their personalities, we seldom had a problem. 

However, there are those parents who tthink it is their patriotic duty to confront teachers when they feel that their little Elroy has been wronged somehow.  The review sheet did not include something that appeared on the test or in the format in which it was tested?  What?  The teacher gave a pop quiz and he failed it?  Aren't we teachers trying to instill adaptability with our curriculum?  Yes, these scenraios really happened and I won't reveal the source, but some parents can get in their children's education so deeply that they lose sight of the fact that kids need to learn from their mistakes.

When I was teaching, I had a sign on my desk that read Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. How true!  As parents, our obligation is to help our children understand that life's roads has bumps.  Sometimes those bumps take the form of mountains that need crossing during a blizzard.  Other times, those bumps cave under pressure, making the road smooth again.  If you have prepared your child to anticipate the pop quiz, prepare for unusually worded questions, and understand that life sometime isn't always fair, you'll raise strong, independent children. If however, you pave the way for them by arguing with their teachers, requesting a new teacher, or complaining about that teacher in their presence, you'll raise wimpy children who wait for someone else to solve their problems for them.

So, parents, I encourage you to think twice before confonting a teacher about her methods that she likely learned in college.  He or she knows the best way to present her curriculum material to your child.  It's your job to let your children know that you love them no matter what they do. And if that means hugging your child when she gets a 55 on a test that she studied for, then hug your child.  She knows she disappointed you.  Together, you can figure out how you can bring that grade up for the next test or do extra credit work to bring up the cumulative grade.  However, will you be the one to ask for that extra credit?  What do you think????

Happy parenting!  

Observations at a Playground

I was at the Evesham playground with my daughter and three-year-old granddaughter the other day.  They went off to play.  I watched the children's personalities there.  Here's what I saw...

The future CEO organized all her friends to do exactly what she wanted them to do.  When she went to one of the climbing areas, she held her arm out in silent body language that said, "Don't even try to be first.  That's my place!"  She trailed a younger sister around by the hand and exhibited every leadership trait that would make a future boss proud. 

The artist played in the sandbox, sifting, building, rebuilding, and exploring the textures.  He did not budge from his seat in the middle of the sand.  Other children around him giggled, screamed, and ran, but he was oblivious to the mayhem around him.  His powers of concentration on his efforts astounded me!

The athlete challenged his ability at every corner.  He bounced on things that were probably not designed for bouncing.  He balanced across a bridge that required much coordination.  And he climbed every ladder at the playground.  His energy seemed boundless.

The musician found the huge xylophone and would not give it a rest!  She explored the sounds of each tube repeatedly, often searching for different combinations of sequences.  I'm sure she would have loved to have had two sticks instead of the one that was attached at the xylophone to explore harmonic sounds, as well.

Then there was the daydreamer.  She walked around the playground, watching the others play, staring up at the sky when a plane flew overhead, and kicking the wood chips around.  She seemed content to watch and take in her environment rather than participate in the experience.  Interesting behavior for a five-year-old.

Where was my three-year-old granddaughter though all this?  Guardedly exploring the new playground.  She required her mommy to be close by as she explored each new structure for the first time.  I like that attitude - don't jump into something until you're absolutely sure it's safe.  She wasn't fearful, but at three, she needed a backup in case her playground turned sinister for some reason ;-)

So, watch your children at play and see their future lives.  Will they be the leader, the musician, the daydreamer, the artist, the athelete, or a cautious participant?  Children's play can provide parents with much personality information if you take time to watch, rather than text or talk on the phone while they play (which I did see there at the playground!)

Happy parenting!

Contests for Kids - Part II

Here is the next batch of awards I found for young contenders.  All are particularly good for after school and enrichment programs.  (Note: each title hyperlinks to the contest.  I added other helpful links)

• Gloria Barron Prize for Young Heroes
  The Gloria Barron Prize for Young Heroes is awarded annually to ten US and Canadian students, aged 8-18, who have developed an extraordinary service project that helped people and the planet. The website has lots of resources.  Students must be nominated by an adult.
• Jif Most Creative Peanut Butter Sandwich Contest
  The Jif Most Creative Peanut Butter Sandwich Contest is open to children who are age 6 to 12.  Deadline October 12, 2011: http://contests.about.com/od/cashsweepstakes/p/111012-jif-most-creative-peanut-butter-sandwich-contest.htm
• Kohl's Kids Who Care Program
  The Kohl's Kids Who Care Program (www.kohlskids.com) honors students age 6-18 who are involved in community service. Candidates enter by being nominated by an adult age 21 years or older. Nominees are considered in two age groups, 6-12 and 13-18, with three prize levels within each group.
• Letters About Literature
  Letters About Literature is a national reading/writing contest sponsored by the Center for the Book in the US Library of Congress in partnership with Target Stores. The contest is open to US students in grades 4-12. Entries consist of a personal letter to an author, living or dead, from any genre, explaining how the author's work changed the student's way of thinking about the world or themselves.  Info about this year's competition:  http://www.lettersaboutliterature.org/
• MATHCOUNTS
  MATHCOUNTS is a national math competition for middle school students (grades 6-8). Individuals and teams of four mathletes from each school compete on a local, state and national level.
• National Marbles Tournament Scholarships
  The annual National Marbles Tournament awards $5,000 in scholarships to mibsters (marble shooters) aged 8 to 14. The tournament is held in June each year.  What fun!
• National Geography Bee
  The National Geography Bee is sponsored by the National Geographic Society. It is open to US students in grades 4-8 who are age 15 or younger by the date of the national competition. The National Geography Bee is a three stage competition, starting at the school level (competitions from mid-November through mid-January), followed by state competitions in April and the national competition in May.
• National High School Oratorical Contest
  The National High School Oratorical Contest is sponsored by the American Legion. It is open to US students in junior high school or high school (grades 7-12) who are under age 20 as of the date of the national contest. State contests are held no later than mid-March, and the national contest finals are held in April. The American Legion pays for the travel and lodging expenses of the state winners and their chaperones.
• National History Day Contest
  The National History Day Contest is open to students in grades 6-12 in the junior (grades 6-8) and senior (grades 9-12) divisions. The projects relate to a specific historical theme or topic.  This year's theme is Revolution, Reaction, Reform in History.
• National Spelling Bee
  The National Spelling Bee is sponsored by the E.W. Scripps Company. It is open to students in grades 1-8 as of their school finals (February 1) and who are under age 16 as of the date of the national finals (June 1).
• NewsCurrents Student Editorial Cartoon Contest
  The NewsCurrents Student Editorial Cartoon Contest is sponsored by Knowledge Unlimited, Inc. and is open to students in grades K-12. There are three divisions: grades K-6, 7-9 and 10-12.

That's all for today.  Look for the rest of the list tomorrow.  I hope you find something of interest for your students.

Happy Parenting, Happy Teaching, and Happy Homeschooling!

Contests for Kids - Part I

Contests provide awesome motivation for children to learn new skills or hone already strong skills.  Here are a few contests for young entrants.  Most are for middle school students, but some apply to lower elementary and high school.  All have a very late in the school year deadline so you have time to work on them with your children.

• Action For Nature honors the work of young people between the ages of 8 and 16 who have done creative environmental projects. The winners of AFN’s International Young Eco-Hero Awards program receive a cash prize and a special certificate, as well as public recognition on their web site.  Here are the 2011 guidelines, but the website says that the 2012 guidelines will be available very soon: http://www.actionfornature.org/eco-hero-awards/2011-application-guidelines.  Also check out past winners to see what the contest judges look for: http://www.actionfornature.org/eco-hero-awards/past-winners/2010-winners
• The Angela Award honors one female student in grades 5–8, who is involved in or has a strong connection to science. It is sponsored by the National Science Teachers Association.  Deadline is November 30 and the guidelines are here: http://www.nsta.org/pdfs/awards/Angela.pdf
• BattleBots Awards is a robot building contest for teams of middle school, high school, and college students: http://www.battlebotsiq.com/BattleBots.com/Home/Home.html
• The BRICK Awards by Do Something provide community grants and scholarships to "change-makers" age 25 and under who work with Do Something to improve their communities. They will post their 2012 guidelines soon, but you can see who won this year's awards here: http://www.dosomething.org/programs/awards
• The Christopher Columbus Community Service Awards are open to teams of students in grades 6-8. The competition focuses on using science and technology to solve real-world community problems. The deadline is the second Monday in February.  Details here: http://www.christophercolumbusawards.com/
• Davidson Fellowships are awarded by the Davidson Institute for Talent Development to US students under age 18 who have completed a significant piece of work in the fields of Mathematics, Science, Technology, Music, Literature, Philosophy or Outside the Box. The significant piece of work should have the potential to benefit society. The focus of the program is on gifted and talented students. There is no minimum age for eligibility.  Deadline is February 1.  Click here for information and previous winners: http://www.davidsongifted.org/fellows/
• Dick Blick sponsors an annual contest for block prints made from linoleum. There are three divisions: grades 4-6, grades 7-9, and grades 10-12.  Info from last year's contest; new guidelines soon: http://www.dickblick.com/blockcontest/
• This is my personal favorite: Google is famous for the doodles that occasionally replace the Google logo. The Doodle 4 Google competition challenges children in grades K-12 to create their own play on Google's logo. Doodles are judged in four grade groups: K-3, 4-6, 7-9 and 10-12.  Look for new guidelines soon at http://www.google.com/doodle4google/press.html
• The DuPont Challenge Science Essay Competition is sponsored by the DuPont Center for Collaborative Research & Education in cooperation with General Learning Communications. The competition is open to US and Canadian students in grades 7-12 inclusive. The competition involves writing a 700 to 1,000 word essay about a scientific or technological development, event, or theory chosen by the student. Sign up here to get notification of new guidelines: http://thechallenge.dupont.com/entryform/
• The Girls Going Places Entrepreneurship Award Program is open to girls age 12 to 18 who demonstrate entrepreneurship and make a difference in their schools and communities. Info here: http://www.girlsgoingplaces.com/

More tomorrow.  This is just the list from A-G!

Happy Parenting, Happy Teaching, and Happy Homeschooling!

What Kids Need Most

Chad Lucas writes a regular column in USA Today.  In the August 8 issue, his headline reads: "What my kids need most is my full attention."  What awesome advice!  In a nutshell, he says that raising four kids, managing a household, and holding a full-time job is a juggling act worthy of any CEO.  However, what's most important is his ability to drop whatever he's doing and concentrate on one child at a time when needed.  The challenge, he adds, is that all four of the children usually want different things at the same time.  That's not an easy job even on the best of days!

He also cautions parents to avoid being a "Blackberry Parent."  On a recent visit to a fast food restaurant, I saw one mother with two young children eating their lunches.  The kids had their smiley meals while mom casually sipped a coffee and texted on her phone.  ACK!  Where's the attention?  Where's the interaction?  Why is she even there with them?  Why not just leave them unattended?  What was she thinking????

Multitasking has become the bane of the modern family.  Families eat while watching TV, kids do homework on the way to soccer practice, we text or talk on the phone while driving (really, folks?), and we listen halfheartedly to a child's account of his day at school while we prepare dinner, fix the toaster, or glance through the paper. 

In some elementary schools, they have a DEAR program - Drop Everything And Read, so the students have an untinerrupted block of time to read what they want to read, not a required passage.  This makes the reading time fun and fosters further reading time at home.  I say parents need to have a DEAL program - Drop Everything and Listen.  Because when you truly listen to your children and look for the underlying motivation or message, you'll get to know them a lot better than if you multitask during "quality" time together.

So, my final words for today are: Give each child your undivided attention at least once every day so they understand that they are the most important person in your life at that moment.  And isn't that what we all want from life?  To feel important to someone else.  Ahhhh.... such a warm, fuzzy feeling :-)  Thanks, Chad Lucas, for being a dedicated dad!

Happy Parenting!

Five Ways Families Can Save Money

If you're like me when my kids were little, you have more month left at the end of the paycheck than money left at the end of the month.  We frequented discount stores and seldom ate out.  Today I browsed the Internet as if I were thirty again (ahhhh!) with an eye to how I might save money with children in the house.  Here's what I found...

1. My kids would have wanted a cell phone as soon as they entered middle school if that technology had been available.  So, if I were to get a phone for my daughter, this is what I would get: Wal-Mart sells a Straight Talk Plan. You must initially purchase a cell phone first. Their LG 220C has an alarm clock, texting features, a calculator and a color screen for $45. It does not have a camera, which might be a good thing with teens. Straight Talk offers unlimited minutes, unlimited texts and unlimited mobile web access, all for $45 a month without a contract.  This gets my vote for the best phone for teens and tweens.
2. Years ago, I kept a Christmas club, which gave me money to spend for gifts.  I budgeted the amount of money for each child and other family members.  Now, you can get a credit card that will deposit 2% of your purchases into any account you choose.  What a win-win situation!  The Fidelity Rewards American Express card will put that into a savings account, a 529-plan for your child's college education, or an IRA account for your retirement.  But you can pick only one ;-)  That's fair, right?  I think I'd pick the savings account so I could use it for Christmas or whenever and hope that my kids got college scholarships.  (ha!)
3. Grocery bills were HUGE with three kids and all their friends stopping in all the time.  Certainly couponing helps, even if you don't go to extremes.  Look for sales and buy in bulk.  These are all common tricks of the parenting trade to save money on groceries.  However, the biggest way you can save money is to make a meal plan and stick with the program.  When you go to the store, only buy what's on the list.  Here's one woman's story of how she fed her family for $100 a week: http://www.parents.com/family-life/money/family-finances/save-money-on-groceries/
4. We loved family vacations.  It was a time to get away without miscellaneous distractions and concentrate on enjoying family life.  However, on a limited budget, we couldn't rent a hotel room for a week a Disney World every year.  In fact, we couldn't rent a motel anywhere for a week because the cost of eating out was prohibitive.  So, we rented.  We looked for little cabins in the woods on a stream or lake where we could enjoy what nature offered us.  Look at it this way: Depending on where you go, you can rent a house for your family from $500 to $1000 for the week.  Bring your own canned and boxed goods and buy fresh products when you get there.  you still have to eat, so that doesn't enter into the cost of the vacation.  Mother Nature offers free recreation when you hike the trails and discover hidden waterfalls.  We have two favorite locations: The State Park system in West Virginia and a private cabin we rented in Maine.  Neither had TV!
5. The biggest bill I had for school clothes was not the clothing because we generally shopped at discount places and used hand-me-downs.  The biggest bill was for footwear.  I refused to skimp on their feet!  So, instead of going to Guy's Discount Shoe Store, we would go to the regular shoe places like Sports Authority, etc. but only when there was a sale or a coupon that drastically discounted the products. I have a friend who buys shoes one size larger the previous season when they are discounted heavily.  I think that's a bit overboard, but to save money, it's definitely a plan worth considering.

Happy Parenting!

Where are your kids' records?

Many times through my children's growing years, I had to produce their shot records.  And just as many times, I hadn't a clue where I put them!  During the everyday madness that is family life with young children, the medical records took a back seat to homework, sports practice, and music lessons. 

Today's parents have an easier job of locating their children's medical records - digitally!  Simply scan the shot records and save them in a digital file under each child's name.  Then when the school asks for the records, you have a ready reference, unless they require an "official" copy with a doctor's signature.

In an emergency, those records become even more valuable.  Law enforcement and health care agencies agree that every parent should keep up-to-date photos (without anyone else in the picture), medical records, and other vital information about their kids in a quickly accessible spot.  In the unfortunate event that your child goes missing, you have a photograph ready for investigators. Along with the photo, keep a note with your child’s date of birth, full name and nickname(s), hair color, eye color, height and weight, birthmarks, and whether she wears glasses, earrings or braces.  This should all be on one sheet so you can easily print out all the information at once.  Also, if you need to go to the emergency room, you have the health records at ready reference during a time when you're not thinking as clearly as you should.

Other information you can store digitally is a copy of the birth certificate, adoption records, dental records, list of current medications, physical conditions, a closeup of birthmarks or other identifying marks, and list of any previously broken bones.  Particularly important to include is a list of allergies.

On every sheet, include the child's name, your name, address, phone number, and work contact information.  Add the names of closest relatives and reliable neighbors (ask for their permission to include their name first!)  Consider saving all this on a thumb drive that you attach to your car keys and you'll always have your child's emergency information with you!

Hopefully you'll never need to use this emergency information, but if you do, you'll be glad to take the time to assemble this information in one place.

You Can't Spoil an Infant!

Infants cry for a number of reasons - hunger, discomfort, pain, boredom, and even overstimulation.  They rely on their caregivers to feed them, change them, keep them warm, care for their illnesses, stimulate them mentally, or leave them alone for a while to explore their world on their own.  They DO NOT cry because they want attention like a three-year-old might behave.  Therefore, when an infant cries, it's perfectly acceptable, and even desirable, to run to that infant to soothe her.

In fact, when an infant's needs are met, the child becomes bonded with her caregiver and will be able to form permanent attachments more easily as an adult.  Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson found that this trust versus mistrust stage, which lasts from birth to eighteen months, is the most important period in a person’s life. During this stage, infants learn whether they can trust those around him to provide for his care and comfort.  It's a simple philosophy: When his needs are met, he trusts those around him; when his needs are not met, he mistrusts those around him.  That trust and mistrust will continue into adulthood.

So how do you ensure that your infant learns trust rather than mistrust?

1. Change diapers regularly.
2. Feed on demand rather than on a schedule.
3. Hold your baby and comfort him when he cries.
4. Keep baby clean with regular baths. (Never leave the baby unattended in the bathtub.)
5. Provide warm clothes during cold weather and light clothes during warm weather.
6. Talk to your infant in adult talk rather than baby talk so he learns the proper way to speak.
7. Install a safe mobile over the crib for alone time. (Make sure the pieces are baby safe in case one falls off the arms of the mobile.)
8. Use the TV as a babysitter sparingly!

Happy Parenting!

Respecting a Child's Privacy

Everyone deserves to have their possessions respected.  If you went to college and shared a dorm room, you expected your roommate to keep his or her hands away from your stuff.  When you were growing up, you expected your shirt to be where you left it, even if that happened to be on the floor of your room.  However, when a roommate "borrowed" your hair dryer or a sibling "borrowed" a shirt without your permission, you probably became defensive and showed your anger somehow.

Now think about that concept from a parent/child point of view.  You don't appreciate it when your child enters your bedroom and goes through your drawers, do you?  Children are the same ... they don't appreciate parents "snooping" in their private space.  I know you may feel tempted to see if they have cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, or condoms hidden in there somewhere, but take it from the voice of experience... being up front and honest is actually better and leads to fewer hidden objects.  When a child or teen knows that her room is her sanctuary (or her half room if she shares it), she is less likely to hide "banned" items.  Simply asking if they have any drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or condoms is usually enough to elicit a truthful negative response.  If you get a positive response, quietly talk about the problems that could happen with those items.  Personally, I was happy when they told me they had condoms in there - it told me that although they were sexually active, they were responsible about it.  You might even warn your kids when you'll be in their rooms to clean or straighten up.  Watch for suspicious behavior in the interim, and then discuss the reason for that behavior without judging.

It's better to be up front and supportive than sneaky and judgmental when raising your children.

I want an APP for that!

If I could develop my own APP, I'd call it ALTERNATIVE PARENTING PROCEDURES.  Too often, parents fall back into a comfortable mode of hitting, demeaning, and yelling at their children to get them to behave according to their expectations.  Wouldn't it be great if parents could download a discipline APP?  Here is a list of alternatives they would find there:

1. Discuss the reason for the misbehavior and how the child can improve next time.
2. Set up realistic logical consequences for misbehavior and then be consistent with them.
3. Use humor to defuse a situation before talking about the source of the problem.
4. Allow the natural consequences of the behavior take over - no parental action is necessary.
5. Offer if-then options that don't involve ultimatums, which allow children to make their own good choices.
6. Determine the severity of the misdemeanor.  Let it go if it isn't critical.  Just like too much sweetness, too much discipline is not healthy for a child's emotional intelligence.
7. Redirect the bad behavior into something positive.
8. Develop a system of rewards, whereby the children must earn them over time.
9. Discover the underlying cause for the bad behavior.
10. Love your children for who they are, but discipline what they do.

Happy Parenting!

Healthy Eating for Parents, Teachers, and Children

It's a fact - adults who eat right and exercise frequently have a more positive attitude and better behaved children than lethargic, overweight adults.  When you feel good about yourself and your body, you'll transfer that positive energy to your children.  You'll also teach them healthy eating habits.  When I was teaching, I had an orange for lunch every day.  I put the orange peels in a bowl right by the door.  This had several effects: It helped overcome the odors of a hundred teenagers going in and out of my room every day, it added an aromatic Feng Shui remedy, and it showed my students that I modeled healthy eating by having an orange every day.

Here are some suggestions for healthy eating that will make for happier, healthier parents, teachers, and children (click the hyperlinks for food choices):

• Drink at least four 8-ounce glasses of water each day.  This helps to flush out toxins and increases "regularity."
• Limit carbs to three small portions a day.  If you must have your morning bagel, it should be whole grain.  Want a potato for dinner?  Have half today and half tomorrow.
• Protein builds and holds muscle mass.  Eat lots of protein and dairy products, but limit the amount of fat-laden proteins.
• Fruits are good, but in moderation because they are high in natural sugar.  Limit to 3 servings a day.
• Veggies are wonderful for weight loss, helping you to feel full, and to supplement the vitamins and minerals in an otherwise balanced diet.

With a balanced diet and consistent exercise, you'll have enough energy for your children or students! Here is a helpful list of suggestions for weight loss: http://www.self.com/fooddiet/2008/07/foods-for-weight-loss?mbid=synd_yshine

The New Stranger Response

According to Kidproof, a publishing company dedicated to children's safety, instead of teaching your children to not go with strangers, the new golden rule of stranger safety is to tell your kids, "Never go anywhere with anyone without asking permission first."  Why?  Because instructing kids to not go with strangers, places them in a difficult position.  Should they go with a policeman?  Security guard?  Uncle Milty?  Children may feel secure going with the family member or law enforcement official, but statistically, these people are more likely to abduct or abuse children (the abducting policeman is usually not a policeman, but someone dressed like one.)  By instructing your children to ask you first, you assure yourself that they will always let you know where they are.  Also tell them that if you are unable to answer for whatever reason, to go to a woman rather than a man.  Statistically, women are less likely to abuse or abduct a child than a man.

What marvelous advice in an unsettled world!